I grew up in a progressive Christian household. We believed in evolution. We accepted and supported the LGBT+ community. We had women pastors. To us, Christianity was all about loving and supporting everyone. My family mostly avoided the topic of religion altogether, except for praying at dinner time and going to church.
Growing up, how “Christian” I was wasn’t a topic of importance in our house; however, I went through many phases of being extremely religious and not-so-religious, honestly depending on who and what I surrounded myself with.
I was first turned off by religion when I was 12. I was attending a Baptist day camp during the summer before I entered middle school. The kids in my class were between the ages of 10 and 13. I liked all of the new friends I was making, but I didn’t like how harsh everyone’s views – especially those of the teacher – were. We were told practically every day that if we did not do certain things or think certain ways, we would go to Hell.
I remember talking to my parents about this and thinking, “How do they know that’s where we will end up? Isn’t that God’s job to decide?”
Whenever I questioned anything, such as the six-day creation story, I was usually met with answers like, “you can ask God when you get to Heaven.”
Ultimately, I am glad that my parents didn’t use apologetics on me, but the answers they gave never really satisfied my thirst for answers.
In high school, I found a Christian blog that I began following religiously (pun intended). The blog was run by a former model-turned Christian, whose mission was to inspire girls to live in God’s image. I liked the body positivity and sense of community the website offered, so I ignored the posts about the things I disagreed with.
Reading that blog so often ended up with me indoctrinating myself further in to the religion. Dating or having atheist friends was wrong. Having friends of other religious faith was okay, but only if I’m sharing the gospel constantly. Sex was wrong. Dressing in certain clothes was wrong. So many things were just WRONG. Looking back, it was shaping me to be someone I wasn’t.
When I got to college, I went to church every once in a while, but I was so busy with extracurricular activities and schoolwork that I didn’t have the time or gas money to travel thirty minutes both ways for church every week.
I started dating an atheist. I had dated non-religious people before, and it was never a major problem, because I usually felt (and still feel) that religion was something private. This person, however, introduced me to Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s version of “Cosmos,” and I was immediately hooked.
I had always had a fascination for space and the stars, but “Cosmos” stirred up religious doubts. One episode in particular was about the possibility of life on other planets outside of our solar system. I realized that if there were so many planets out there that are similar to earth, there’s a possibility that some of that life is intelligent. It is not likely that the possible intelligent life knows about the Christian religion, namely Jesus. Therefore, with the possibility of life beyond our own planet, Christianity, to me, didn’t work.
From there, I started questioning things. Is there something out there? Is there a god? Is another religion correct?
If there is a god, I knew I would find it. Unfortunately, I found more sources refuting and debunking the evidence that theists gave than anything else. After months and months of questioning and researching, I realized that I had become an atheist.
And that’s okay.
Along the way, there were a lot of struggles and questions that I had. There were a lot of fears that I had to get over…but that’s a whole other post. I’ll get to that soon.
I’m glad I became an atheist, though.
If you’re questioning your faith, know this: it’s okay not to know all the answers.
It’s okay to have doubts.
It’s okay to question what you were taught.
Life is more interesting that way.
Good After God 